Some say love cuts deep but not half as deep as the mark of a rural Scottish upbringing.
It doesn’t matter where you live now, here’s ten things you’ll recognise if you grew up in the Scottish countryside. And five that’ll ring a bell if you’re incomer to the Scottish backwaters.
1. Scottish skiing
You learned to ski at Glenshee where the slopes are as bald as your father’s head. You’d been skiing for six years before you learnt skiing was actually a snowsport.
2. School closures
Dreams of snow were more about school closures and the hope you would be hauled across the field in an inner tube towed by a tractor.
3. Tattie holidays
Even if you didn’t grow up howking tatties during autumn half-term you at least knew that historically the true reason schools have a holiday in October was to pick potatoes. Nothing to do with giving kids a break during the long haul to Christmas.
4. Desperate to drive
You learned to drive at 12 and spent the post-harvest evenings spinning doughnuts round the haybales in the stubble fields.
5. Missing the bus
Your teenage world turned on the dismally populated bus timetable. A timetable so scant that if you missed the bus you were doomed to a Sunday at home with nothing more than Songs of Praise to look forward to.
6. Young Farmers
Attending your first Young Farmers ball was a Right of Passage anticipated out of all proportion to the event itself – unless you were lucky enough to be one of the ones snogging the girl in the Laura Ashley dress in the back corner.
You remember a time when attitudes to alcohol were radically different. Gin was guzzled with abandon and barrels of whisky seen off in a single sitting. People unable to find their keys in their pockets, or their way to their cars were still considered fit to drive. Though clearly no one was ever actually ‘drunk.’
8. Agricultural shows
You looked forward to the local agricultural show almost as much as Christmas and yearned for the day you could actually go off on your own instead of staying with your parents while they spoke to every man and his dog.
9. Knowing every man and his dog
Your Mum and Dad knew every man and his dog. Any hope of anonymity was futile as you discovered after that night at the rugby club.
10. Country at heart
Even though you’re now into your third decade of city life you’d still say you’re a ‘country’ person. And you’d still describe the hallowed nook of Scotland that you hale from as Home.
5 Signs You Now Live in the Scottish Countryside (regardless where you grew up)
Your desire for super-fast broadband is as acute, unattainable and unrequited as the crush you had on Kim Wilde as a teenager.
2. Broadband again
Your desire for super-fast broadband is fuelled by an even stronger desire to look at internet porn – tractor porn.
3. Knowing every man and his dog
You know every man and his dog and you’re glad that anonymity for your kids is futile.
4. What you wear
You have every local taxi company on speed dial.
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